Is there sex after breast cancer?

Comment

Comment by Jamie Inman on March 28, 2010 at 12:12pm

Barry, you are a very nice man, and your attitude is very encouraging for women whose bodies have been mangled by cancer. You might discover, however, that often the problem is not with the partner, but the patient: WE often have trouble seeing ourselves as attractive, so we don't believe the acceptance of our partners. That's one of the maddening aspects of breast cancer, it hits us smack in the middle of our identity as women, which we learn from day 1 means "the hair and the pair." The fact that is shouldn't be this way, doesn't change the fact that it is this way in most cases.

Comment by Barry Frangipane on March 26, 2010 at 6:20pm

As a 52 year-old male, some may be asking, "what could a MAN possibly add to this conversation?" Well, something, I hope. I would like to address the question itself, "Is there sex after breast cancer?" What if we were to rephrase the question just a bit, to "How is making love different after breast cancer?" When two people make love, it is quite a bit different than "having sex". This is two people experiencing private intimacy that starts with the heart and extends to the body. Does this change after the loss of a limb or loss of breasts? Certainly not. Love sees past these physical changes. We get older, and our bodies change. Sex changes over the years, but making love does not. So, if you are only after sex, the desire to share your physical body with another, then changes in your shape may affect both you and your partner. But if you are wanting a life of making love, rest assured that this will continue.

Comment by Linda (Keene) Freitas on March 1, 2010 at 2:09pm

I just wanted to add a few more things that I thought of after I first posted. Many women who have chemotherapy experience menopause. For me, I was 42 and before the chemo, I wasn't even having perimenopausal issues. So, after my 2nd chemo treatment I was forced into menopause and stopped having periods. What this all comes down to is dry vaginal tissues. When it comes to preparing for sex for the post menopausal women, you must get some good lubrication or you can hurt the vaginal tissues. Also, I was told by my Gynocologist that If you don't use "it", you will lose "it". This is in terms of blood supply and tissue in that area. The more intercourse you have, the better the supply of bloodflow to that area and the less deterioration you will likely have. This brings up another issue. If you and your partner have never had to have open conversations about making love, now is the time. Discussing how you feel about sex and what feels good and what doesn't is very key. Ladies, our body image is so distorted after the butchering of our breasts and effects of radiation and chemotherapy. We must find our voices and in a loving way discuss with those who are close to us how these changes have affected us. Start today because the longer you put it off the harder the subject is to approach. Our husbands, boyfriends, partners have been our care providers through this tough ordeal. They want to help us to come to terms and grips with our bodies because they also want things to be normal again. I for one have had to recently ask my husband "do I need to make an appointment for sex?". I was joking with him but serious at the same time. He told me no and he grabbed me later that day and ...use your imaginations!

Comment by Linda (Keene) Freitas on February 27, 2010 at 11:12pm

I can finally say "Yes" there is sex after breast cancer. It may not come as often as it used to, but it does happen still. When I first was diagnosed with breast cancer it was such a shock to me that my focus was not really on having sex at that time. Looking back, however, that would have been the best time to have it, when my breasts were still intact and before I started the chemo treatments (5 months long). Having the stress of making decisions and then surgery and then undergoing chemo really takes its toll on the sex life for sure. I can say now being one year out from my last chemo treatment that I do have a sex life, but it will never be the same as before my breast cancer journey began even with a wonderful, understanding partner.

Comment by Jamie Inman on February 15, 2010 at 9:55pm

Thank you for sharing your experience, my friend. I know you have come a long way through huge obstacles, and your positive outlook is encouraging.
I look forward to what you learn!

Comment by Mara Gordon on February 15, 2010 at 8:51pm

I am 100% unqualified to answer this question having not lost my natural breasts. But, I will do what I can to find out from my friends and family members who have had this experience, and report back to you.

So much of my identity was tied up in my athletic, toned body. When I lost that to injury and subsequent illness, my sense of self and sexuality went with it until I learned that I was desirable because of my brain - not my firm abs. the next hurdle has been finding enjoyment without feeling self-loathing or impatience. I am a work in progress.